Criticism should be given carefully with kindness

I hang out with a lot of very smart people who have opinions about just about everything. It's stimulating to converse with them on a variety of subjects. I think it is possibly one of the joys of my life to be able to say just about anything and be met with openness and toleration.

Recently, on more than one occasion things have not been so pleasant for me. . . and it has given ms pause for several reasons. Some of my opinionated friends (that I love - remember I love that) have equated criticism with opinion. There is a fine line.

Opinion and criticism that become "me" based instead of factually based are hard to take evenly and to ignore and give grace to the giver. It matters very much if condescension and superiority are part of the giving also. Makes it even harder to give grace and an understanding head nod - even if it is something that you have done that bothers them. People in the heat of a moment that was caused by a bad day, a bad headache, or a bad piece of fruit don't check their tone - especially in written form. With it they deliver what they believe to be a very even pronouncement - but in reality - it isn't.

With our kids we often ask them the following when they are deciding what to say to people: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? If it doesn't meet all three criteria - it shouldn't be said. It may seem simplistic but it is really a great rule to live with as an adult.

Then there is the criticism of others' talents and abilities - especially the criticism of someone who thinks they are doing something well - and is fairly convinced, living in their own head as they do, that they are doing their level best to do something well. When someone says, "Oh, no you weren't" and presumes to understand just the motivations and production of a person - it can make you back off from the person for a period of time.

In the spirit of grace, one should always cut their friends slack. No question. If it isn't true, kind, or necessary then even your friends - who you may be on a mission to improve - shouldn't hear it. It should be with grace that we all deal with one another on a daily basis. Yes, we all slip - and in that case -we give grace that we hope some day to receive.

Gracefully rambling